Some days, it all hits me. I’ll be in an OR, working some anesthesia magic, and boom. Like a brick wall.
What am I even doing in here?
How in the heck is someone trusting me to do this?? Surely they are going to come to their senses and kick me out!! I have been working towards this goal to be a CRNA for the last 10 years, and it is still unbelievable at times that it is actually happening. It is one part scary and one part empowering.
Our senior class graduated just a couple of months ago. I have not quite gotten used to the fact that now WE are the senior class. Anytime someone asks where I am in school my reflex is to say junior.
One of our “seniors” just started working at the hospital where I am on clinical rotation now. He walked in with his CRNA nametag and I stood there drooling. There is part of me that is so beyond jealous and ready for school to be done. Ready to move on from this part of my life and start working. But there is another part of me that thinks I will never be ready to practice on my own – scared to be out there without a buddy to help me and walk me through the unknown.
One of the attendings asked me yesterday what my plans are after graduation.
While there are still several months until graduation, I suppose I had better start thinking of a plan! At this point, I’m not even entirely sure which state I will be living and working in, let alone which hospital or specialty. It is hard to say really because at this point there is no particular specialty that I want to commit to. That being said, there are still a few specialties that I haven’t rotated through yet so maybe something will click there.
I think as a new grad, sticking to general cases is the best bet though. If you want to specialize, it should be later on because otherwise you are going to back yourself into a little specialty corner that can be very hard to get out of. For instance, specializing in OB means mostly spinals and epidurals. That’s great if that is your interest, but you may also lose some of your airway skills as you don’t intubate as often. Teaching hospitals are a good place to start, but that also can be difficult. If you work with a lot of students, then you don’t get to work on your own skills as much.
I’m not entirely sure what I want to be when I grow up, other than a CRNA. I don’t know if I want to specialize or not, work in a big hospital or an outpatient surgery center, adults or peds, independent or a team setting, teaching facility or not.
I think I’m having a mid-SRNA-life crisis.